Nola Bebe

I’m 12 weeks today! Soon - OH SO SOON - we will be able to tell everyone what’s been going on. Even though Rods has been telling all of his “close friends.” Turns out Mister thinks everyone is a “close friend.” Even people he works with know! 

So I’m not sure how many people we’ll shock when the news comes out but it’ll be nice to at least tell that one dude at work that NO I’m NOT hungover - I’m pregnant. Seriously - he asked me if I had spent the night before partying when in reality I had been at work till 10 PM and was exhausted. 

Some people. 

Anyway, I’ve gotten in the weird habit of reading super depressing posts on my birth club’s board on BabyCenter.com. I pretty much only read the miscarriage ones or the ones where the baby doesn’t have a heartbeat at the second appointment. I’m not necessarily afraid that this will happen to me, but I read them to see if they had any symptoms or any indication that something was amiss prior to their second appointment. 

Everything was great at our 8 week appointment but when I asked my Doc if I was out of the woods, he said I still had a 5% chance of miscarriage and he had just had three couples that came for their 1st appointment and everything was ok, but at their second appointment they either miscarried before or there was no heartbeat. 

Why would he tell me this? 

So of course I’ve fixated on this second appointment. I recently became the victim of some crazy pregnancy bloat so I bought a TON (and I mean a seriously crazy amount) of maternity clothes on Old Navy online since they were on sale. Sidenote- am currently wearing some super comfy maternity jeans. 

Of course, thanks to my fixation, after I had “pregnancy fashion show” for Rods, I said, “I better keep the receipt just in case we don’t hear the heartbeat on Monday…”

Who says things like this? 

When I told my midwife what the Doc had said, she waved it off. So did Rods - “anecdotal evidence,” he said. But of course the words were already out there in the world, so I hung on to them in spite of knowing that it wasn’t good for me. 

So, Monday is “The Day.” The day where we finally hear the heartbeat. The day where we tell our Doc that we are going with a midwife and home birth. The day where Rods will likely post the ultrasound on Facebook while it’s still warm from the printer. 

This past weekend we interviewed a midwife in the quest for our home birth. I was so nervous about meeting her because we really don’t have a lot in the area and if I didn’t mesh with her, then it was looking likely that I would wind up giving birth in the hospital. 

I’m happy to report that we LOVED her and got along great! Before she even left, I made the executive decision that she would be our midwife. Rods and her had similar personalities so I knew he wouldn’t mind - since they were basically the same person! 

Sidenote: I’m not a big fan of the word “midwifery” - I don’t like how it’s pronounced “mid-whiff-ery.” Very weird. 

My decision to have a home birth really starting before I was pregnant. One day, I was randomly thinking about how it will be when Rods and I finally have a baby and the thought of lying on my back while giving birth really disturbed me. Being upright, with gravity on my side, really resonated with me. I started to do a bit of research since I figured (pretty correctly) that most hospitals don’t let you move around too much since you’re strapped to IVs and machines. 

I didn’t like that either. In fact, the further I delved into birth, the more I realized I didn’t want to be in a hospital at all. I don’t want a hep lock “just in case” I need an IV. I don’t want fetal monitoring or someone rushing me along or breaking my waters. I don’t want ten different nurses telling me how far I’ve come along. I don’t even want to know! The answer will either terrify or discourage me. 

Eventually, all roads led me to home birth so when I got pregnant, I confirmed the pregnancy with my OB/GYN, whom I adore, but I also set out looking for a midwife. 

I’m SO excited/relieved to have found one who totally understands what we are doing and what we want out of this birth. She said she will rarely check my progress unless I want her to, she will just hang out until she is needed and occasionally following me around with her tray of supplies. She won’t take the baby away after the birth to check her out - I’m able to snuggle with her as long as I need before getting her checked. 

As far as the pain…well, that’s another story. Let me be clear about this - I have control issues, I want to move around, I want to be able to eat, I want to have as few interventions as possible - I know all of this means home birth is really the only option for me…however I’m not so great with the pain. I once got a foot cramp and I tried to convince Rods that I needed to go to the hospital. I’m nervous about going “au natural” for this birth without any pain relief - but as my midwife put it, I’m the one making the contractions - so I’ll be able to handle them. 

Still…I’m going to look into hypnobirthing and any other method I can get my hands on. Also, I know Rods will be an extremely supportive and calming presence. When I get panicky, he gets very zen and his low, soft voice comes out that instantly placates me. Plus, he’s going to read “The Birth Partner” so that will definitely help! 

Today was…not a great day. It wasn’t necessarily bad. It just wasn’t good. I don’t like to post negative things but sometimes I feel the need to vent to feel better…so apologies abound. (I also feel guilt about EVERYTHING so I apologize a lot…probably not healthy but lo here we are.) 

Everything irritated me today. Every request read like a demand. I am overwhelmed. I have a lot on my plate. I’m not a robot. I can’t stay until 8 PM anymore. I get hungry. Really, REALLY hungry. And it’s hard to start something on your to-do list at 6:30 PM when you’ve been giving 110% since 8:20 AM. 

So some stuff didn’t get done. It will get done tomorrow. And if it doesn’t…then the day after that. Things popped up that were unexpected and I took care of them. I always feel like a failure when I leave for the day and the majority of things on my daily list are not crossed off. It’s a personal problem, I guess. Something I have to just get over. 

/end rant. 

What I thought was a nasty and random case of morning sickness yesterday actually morphed into some awful stomach bug. In a weird way, I’m grateful because I was so, so, SO sick. It made me rue the day that I ever got pregnant. 

I woke up at 2 in the morning with stomach pains. Figuring I was hungry, I ate an eggo waffle and went back to sleep. I woke up in even more pain at 6:30. I drank a ginger ale and sat on the couch while Rods fixed me more Eggos - it was the only thing that sounded remotely appealing. 

I went to work where I drank basically a gallon of water and hardly peed and my mouth was so dry. I knew I was dehydrated but thought that morning sickness had finally arrived for me - and with a vengeance! I called my doctor’s office but they said there was nothing they could do for me and that it was something I just had to get through. Uh…no! I work full time-  I can’t be feeling like this!

I went home during lunch and curled up for half an hour after eating some cereal. I felt like my insides were trying to get outside. Rods, being the amazing person he is, stopped at Walgreens and got me saltines, B6 (supposed to help with nausea), and mint gum. I felt better after my nap - but not much. 

When I got back to work, I noticed the goosebumps on my arms. My heater was on full blast in my office but I saw that the temperature gauge was at 77. That’s when I knew this wasn’t just morning sickness. I had the chills. Somehow, I miraculously made it until 5PM and hightailed it back to bed. 

Honestly, it was one of the worst nights of my life. I had a fever and was in and out of consciousness. Thank goodness Rods was there to take my temp, get me soup, run a shower and force feed me pedialyte. He was the best little nanny! 

Sidenote…pedialyte is disgusting. I knew I needed it because I was so dehydrated…but it’s basically sugar water that tastes like Triaminic. Blegh. 

At around 1 AM, I started feeling better. My fever broke and my tummy was weak but still much better. At 6:30 AM, I was like a new person. I texted my boss, fully thinking I could make it in for 10 AM but she insisted I stay home if I was still contagious. Turns out you are highly contagious 24 hours after a stomach bug…so now I’m at home. Feeling loads better - and SO, so, so glad it was a stomach bug and not morning sickness. I don’t think I could handle it if that was morning sickness. I could hardly function! 

My heart goes out to the working mommies of the world who suffered through their first trimester at work - puking all of the time! Luckily, my morning sickness is usually pretty manageable. I just eat every few hours and it stays at bay. 

I threw on a maxi dress this morning and as I was in the bathroom, I caught a glimpse of myself. 

And my burgeoning stomach. 

What? No way. I can’t have a tummy already. I’m only 8 weeks. I know this is totally ridiculous. Then I started thinking about how I had a hard time buttoning my work pants this past week. I pulled the jersey dress around me and yep. It was still there. I tried to suck in. Still there. I poked myself a few times. Hard as a rock. 

WTH? 

I figured I was bloated and drank a ton of water. When we got home, I stepped on the scale before my shower and discovered I have now gained a whopping SIX pounds in 2 months. GAH! (Weight gain is going to be VERY hard for me - something I’m sure I will tackle later on in its own lovely post…) 

When I got out of the shower, I tried sucking in again. Still there. Poked my stomach again. Still hard. I started doing the crazy pregnant lady thing - asking Dr. Google what the chances are of having twins, what the signs are, etc. Turns out some people do pop out at 8 weeks and others don’t until their third trimester. Gee. I guess I’m just LUCKY. 

Either way, I will have a mild heart attack if there are two Beebs in there. But I guess that’s a story for tomorrow since I have my first doctor’s appointment tomorrow afternoon! Hopefully he can put my frantic Googling to rest. 

I did break down and buy a Bella Band however…my work pants are getting so uncomfortable to button and I don’t think I’m ready for maternity clothes just yet…

1.) Not eating every 30 minutes- thus this awful weight gain at only 8 weeks!

2.) Podcasts. When Rods listens to podcasts in the car instead of music, it turns my stomach. I guess Beeb does not like Ricky Gervais. Or Karl Pilkington. Probably Karl.

3.) The thought of food that I just ate. I ate white cheddar popcorn and it was amazing. 30 min later, I was hungry again but the thought of that popcorn made me want to hurl.

Just ate two jalapeño poppers and a fun size twix for dinner. Please be sure to spell my name right on my Mom of the Year Award